What We're All Really Thinking While Running
There’s snow on the ground, my cheeks are numb, I can’t feel my face. 🎶I can’t feel my face when I’m with you! But I love it!🎶 No… no I do not love it. Fuck this shit I’m getting Starbucks.
It’s 20 degrees out in March: it should not be Winter still. F*cking Punxsutawney Phil, that long winter predicting little groundhog asshole. Bill Murray should’ve killed em when he had the chance. He had like 15 chances or something.
Holy hell, my face is going to melt from my skull! But all this sweating will kill so much belly fat. Mmmmmm, gettin’ it. Plus I’m detoxing like a mo’ fo’.
Man, fall’s the shit. I can finally run without feeling like I’m going to die. I should drive up the mountain after this; the leaves are going to be fucking amazing. Man is my run already done?Oh… well uh… meh, fuck going up the mountain, I’m gonna marathon Game of Thrones - I earned it dammit.
1. Why am I doing this...
Why am I running? I’m not even training for anything!
2. There must be another way...
I should just buy a gym membership… God, why are they so friggin expensive?
3. I look like an idiot...
I wonder how stupid I look right now. The people driving by are judging me. Yeah real easy for you to judge me behind your tinted windows! This shit’s hard!
4. I'm dying...
My lungs are burning. Do I taste blood?
5. Hello, comrade...
Oh, another runner! Now I have to look away so I don’t seem to be staring, but look up at an appropriate time to say hello. Oh he’s looking! Should I wave? Say hello? Oh damn he went with the head nod- classic.
6. I can't do this anymore...
Just don’t give up. Keep breathing. I hate my life. Keep breathing. Fuck this shit. Don’t stop. That’s what she said. But for real don’t stop.
7. I am a warrior...
I see my house! I’m like Maximus from Gladiator. Except… shit, he didn’t run fast enough.
8. Ohhhhh yeah...
Alright time for a shower. Don’t fall asleep before your shower like yesterday. That was gross. You’re better than that.
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